


Keep A Calendar

by loveinamaltshop



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Drabble, Essentially my hyperfixations mushed in this drabble, Established Relationship, I've come full circle guys, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Shameless use of What A Catch Donnie, Slurs, hardly any plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2019-04-16 14:26:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14166840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loveinamaltshop/pseuds/loveinamaltshop
Summary: Evan notices Connor has a habit of talking over music.





	Keep A Calendar

**Author's Note:**

> Song used is [What A Catch, Donnie by Fall Out Boy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RrUlVuyKN7I). I recommend listening to it while reading this fic!

Evan notices Connor has a habit of talking over music. 

He rants about his dad over Fleetwood Mac, talks about how he used to play  _ Rumours _ over and over on their way to the orchard. “Don’t Stop” elicited a particularly nauseous-looking pull of his face that makes Evan bite back a smile. 

He talks about the Lord of the Flies he aced over freaking “Good Girls Go Bad” by Cobra Starship. Apparently, both had themes of repression and human nature that Connor had deconstructed. All Evan remembers from the book was the fact that that it made him  _ really  _ bummed out for a week. 

Apparently, the entirety of  _ The Sound of Music _ has Connor talking about how he came out to his parents. They’d gone to see a local production at the community center. Some benefit that his parents  _ had _ to attend. Connor had picked a fight with one of his dad’s colleagues. His tone is amused when he recounts how stupidly red the old man was, how Connor threw the complimentary punch that was in the other’s hand, right down his pressed Brooks Brothers shirt. 

“How...how does that relate to you coming out?” Evan finds himself asking. 

There’s a ghost of a smile on Connor’s face. “He called me a fag. I told him he wasn’t wrong.”

Evan’s eyes widened. 

“So you could imagine the ride back home,” he said dryly. 

Connor asks Evan to pick something out one day. Connor still keeps a thick album of CDs, because he swears the quality is always better. A mix CD, no indicative label other than a Sharpie X catches his eye

Connor glances at him briefly where he’s driving and doesn’t say anything. He shrugs at Evan, eyes on the road. 

The CD goes into the player, and immediately, there’s a voice Evan can’t exactly place a finger on but sounds familiar enough. 

The only movement Evan sees is Connor steadying his hands on the wheel. 

_ I’ve got troubled thoughts and a self esteem to match, what a catch. _

Evan notices he doesn’t talk. He’s not trying to talk but he’s not trying to stop himself either. He’s pressed his lips together and was gently humming along to the singer’s lyrics. The song is a ballad, drum beat slow with the guitar riffs. 

_ They say the captain goes down with the ship. So if the world ends, will God go down with it? _

Evan tenses, because he’s sure he’d chosen the worst possible tape to play. He feels his neck flush and his throat close. 

The end of the song is suddenly indicative of the artist. It’s several reprises of different hits along the years, layered over one another until the refrain closes it. His lips twitch, out of some untimely middle school nostalgia. 

The CD doesn’t play anything else. There’s a whir, then silence. 

“Uh, Zoe made me that.”

Evan exhales when he hears Connor talk. He stares at his hands, still clammy and scratching at the rough denim of his jeans. He doesn’t look up. 

“When I was at the hospital last year.”

Last year? Why was he at the—

Oh. Right. 

“Fuckin’ weird, right?” Connor snorts, but it’s half-hearted “she could’ve just linked me the song or something.”

Evan doesn’t say anything. He takes Connor’s hand. Connor’s eyebrows raise.

“It’s not a big deal,” Connor insists. 

It is a big deal. Evan knows that Zoe and Connor fell out when Connor was fifteen, Zoe fourteen. Has seen the scratches on Zoe’s door she’s covered up with turquoise nail polish years after. Heard the hoarseness and the way Connor’s voice cracks sometimes. Witnessed Cynthia’s eyes light up when they’re making fun of each other lightheartedly when Evan’s over for dinner.

It is a big deal that Connor’s alive and he doesn’t know if Connor refuses to see it or if he knows, plays it down. 

Despite knowing so, that early afternoon, Evan lets him know that he exists alongside Connor. Connor, who he adores and values and he can’t bring himself to say the L-word just yet, but Connor, who is someone beyond something he attempted a year ago. 

Connor turns on the radio. There’s an uncharacteristic burst of laughter when the blaring chorus of “Closing Time” by Semisonic plays. 

“Have I ever told you about how I used to do ballet?”

Evan only grins back at Connor, all ears.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments make my day! Feel free to drop by my Tumblr, [loveinamaltshop](https://loveinamaltshop.tumblr.com/), as well.


End file.
